With Sincerity..

This blog is dedicated to all those at Artman Lutheran Home....One of the things I loved most about working at Artman was the unity that was expressed, the smiles that were returned, and the open arms of so many there. First, let me say I am so appreciative of the continuous reports I hear daily from my sister.  Each day she tells me that this person said "hello", and this person said "hang in there" I can envision the many smiling faces of those that express their concern.

When my sister presented me with the gift of the pink hand made prayer shawl I handled it as carefully as you would a newborn. I thought to myself how grateful I am that someone took time out and made this specifically with me in mind. Even to this day I delicately leave it beside my bed so that I may use it in the morning.

Let it be known that on this day the 23rd of November I will never forget the gift that all of you have given me with the Pink Scrapbook. I am in complete "awe" there are no words to fully describe my gratitude. On this Friday I will be undergoing my first treatment.  Even though I know this too shall pass I'm human so I'm allowed to cry. I'm a sister, a daughter, a wife, a mother so naturally I think of them. But you all thought of me and indeed in a great way. I cannot even explain what this has done for me reading so many words of encouragement, uplifting notes, and soft spoken thoughts.

My husband sat beside me as I read each page rubbing my back trying to help me get through the tearful reading of every thoughtful word. You have deposited courage, strength, and reminded me of how God sees me. I am so thankful for you! I can do this!  I've always carried a quiet nature and particularly addressed those with my smile, but never did I realize how much of an impact my presence had on people. I wish I could literally hug each of you to express how much your thoughts mean to me. I love each & every one of you and with my prayer shawl I will continue to excuse myself in praying for you.

With Sincerity I Thank You....I Thank You!

                                                               

I See You....

I see you walking but who's in the lead?
Watch what you say about me
Because your oblivious to your future needs
Not that I will pacify your pleads, or ignore the sight of you on your knees
But while your now asking Please, I've been waiting of thee
So watch what you say about me
I am a Jealous God this is true
But remember there is no one I love more than you!
So what about you?
Can you turn away from whatever that thing is tonight?
Can you order a drink minus the substance that has you feeling "nice"?
Can you flush the pills down the toilet, toss the cigs in the trash without telling yourself
"This one though is my last"
Can you speak of a loving tongue with the absence of profanity yes even the minor ones
Can you turn away from that married man, stop scheming with your plan, and you with the
multiple cell phones because you claim "He just don't understand"
You swear you slick at your game, because on you it has yet to rain
But the word declares I have called you by name
So be attentive & listen! Matter of fact go the extra mile, Pay Attention!
If I chose you you're chosen to be set apart, yes even when it seems too hard
I know, I know this may be too difficult for you
It's easier in the sight of others & do what they do
This walk ain't easy truly only the strong survives
But didn't they tell you? I didn't die I'm Alive!
So with me you can Do! Pass beyond "I Tried"
And for you, I hope you didn't think because your able to see that it is because of your two eyes or even perhaps your assistive devices maybe... because it is even those things I cause to be
I am the breath that gives you life, I am the keeper that covers you at night
I am the one who starts and the one who ends..I have been the one trying to pull you out of sin
So watch what you say about me
You cannot even come close to what I'm capable of
So I kindly suggest you respond in Love
I hope you come to feel, know, and See Who I Am
Because I See You girl, boy, woman and man....I See You

Pink with a Purpose!: EVEN IF...

Pink with a Purpose!: EVEN IF...: Each time I write in this blog my hope is that it reaches someone that needs uplifting & encouragement. My hope is that it reaches someone n...

EVEN IF...

Each time I write in this blog my hope is that it reaches someone that needs uplifting & encouragement. My hope is that it reaches someone new that can share with someone else. With this blog particularly I fell on my face before the Lord asking for guidance and a specific message to reach that specific person. In order to hear from the Lord you must quiet yourself, turn the tv off, as well as the cell, and sit patiently until your led to open to that particular scripture and hear what the spirit of the Lord has to say. In doing so, this is what he said:

So there she is alone in the exam room kicking herself because she waited so long, and now it may be to late she believes. There she is hating herself for excusing her morals to satisfy the needs of lustful thoughts. There he is dismissing the need for a relationship with God convincing himself that the relationships with his women are more than enough. There he is with his head hung low carrying the shameful past of his forefathers. In Isaiah 43:1 it says Fear not, for I have redeemed you..Redeemed is to be free from what distresses or harms, so whatever has caused you harm or distress he has made you free. It goes on to say I have called you by your name; you are mine. God blesses the just as well as the unjust and he says I called You by Your name, Yes You, the one who have said/done something once so hurtful that you dare not tell. Yes you! Isn't it awesome that God doesn't dismiss anyone.

Life gets rough it seems at times unfair and just when we think the one thing is over here comes that other thing. However, in verse 2 it says EVEN IF you pass through the waters I will be with you. EVEN IF the waters pass through like the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  EVEN IF there is a rage of fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. He says For I am the Lord your God, before me there was no God formed, nor shall there be after me. In vs.13 it says Indeed before the day was, I am He; That means to me before this diagnosis He was, before your circumstance he was, and long after He will still be.

Further down to vs.18 it says specifically Do Not Remember the Former things, nor consider the things of old. What! So this means EVEN IF  the things I should have done but didn't do, or EVEN IF the things I shouldn't have done, and did, I don't have to stress about? He says Behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; and then he asks us a question. Shall you not know it? I love when scripture puts us in position to answer, because we have no answers, so it's really appointed to put us in check! Going back to vs.13 it says And there is no one who can deliver out of my hand; I work, and who will reverse it? That tells me EVEN IF the report shows Stage I,II,III, or IV, EVEN IF the paperwork states Denied, EVEN IF the Employer says not qualified, EVEN IF I have to cry some tears, EVEN IF I have to grieve some losses, EVEN IF I have to regain new strength, EVEN IF I fall I will soon Rise Above It All! Because God says I'm at work, and who will Reverse it? Now you can try if you want to and answer that.

There are Facts this is true, but then there is Faith, and that's what I have, and you sure better have! This specific message was for a specific person not sure if it's you but I presume EVEN IF you took the time to read this, then there's another question answered.
They colored me pink yall, but please know it's for a purpose....Keep smiling because I Do:)

EVEN IF_______ AND WHATEVER FILLS THAT BLANK REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU....

                                                                            

Pink with a Purpose!: The Preparation...

Pink with a Purpose!: The Preparation...: Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made...

The Preparation...

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Just as a trainer prepares his fighter for his opponent, God has prepared me for the fight of my life. When you don't take time out for God you miss out on what he needs you to know, or do. I recall the morning when the Lord spoke to my heart whispering into my spirit, "Nickia, be in preparation for greatness, but in the mist you must carry the cross." I remember becoming uneasy about what that could mean. Excited about what greatness could be, but not willing so to speak to take on the heaviness of that cross. I cried out, Lord why? I couldn't deny what I was feeling for he already knows my heart. Then the still voice said, "I never said I sent YOU to the front line." Whoa! That spoke to me, awakening that dead thing within me preparing me for whatever was ahead.

Later that night the excitement was still fresh & alive! I told my children what we need to do, but explaining to them carrying the cross could mean anything, and the attack we may face we shall not fear. Not long after that I felt the lump in my breast and soon received that phone call which I will never forget. I was at work when I received the call and had about 7 hours left. God had already prepared my heart & mind which prepared me to finish out my day, caring for those who weren't able to care for themselves with a smile on my face, and gentleness in my touch. I quietly told God "well here we go, and we got work to do". My part is easier than I thought, I just have to follow. I'm just needed to play the back-round. He's a thousand steps ahead of me, he's already cleared the way. God made it clear to me that he doesn't need ME on home-front. Just read your word, stay on your knees, thank me through it, and stand on my promises.

On those not so good days, when we tend to forget holding our head down as if we don't know, just like the trainer encourages his fighter in the corner of the ring, you and I may find ourselves balled up in the corner of our bedroom. But God whispers "keep your head up, your almost there, you can do it, just trust me, I'll never leave you, nor forsake you". As the trainer watches the tapes of his opponent studying his every move, God has shown me that my competition has already been defeated.

However, there's rules to this battle. I must never lose sight of what's in front of me. I must never feel as if I am strong enough to stand alone, because my strength comes from the bread of Life. I don't have to worry about getting weak, because God said his grace is made sufficient for me, his power is made perfect in my weakness. The bell rang! They said what's about to hit me can take me out for the count. Then God said, but I said No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper. But Lord I heard his people in the corner talking smack, telling me I better brace myself because I may lose some things that I hold dear. Then God said, I will bless your latter end more than your beginning. God restores all! Finally, it is my duty to tell the people of God's goodness even before my storm is over, that's the kind of faith I have, and this is what he expects of us all. I'm able to breathe when I steal away time with the Lord. I can function, I can write in this blog, I'm nothing without Christ, just dust, but with him I'm more than a conqueror, I'm victorious,and I'm Prepared!

Pink with a Purpose!: Waffles & Ice Cream

Pink with a Purpose!: Waffles & Ice Cream: Okay for those of you that really know me, know that certain comforts of mine come from certain foods. I love to eat! Most of us do, an...

Waffles & Ice Cream

Okay for those of you that really know me, know that certain comforts of mine come from certain foods. I love to eat! Most of us do, and I don't indulge in a way that causes me to get sick, and I wouldn't call myself an emotional eater, in fact I'm the opposite, but there is a great sense of relaxation in certain foods. In my high school years attending Dobbins AVTS "93" I thought I might add(smile) I used to have to stay with my best friend, and that was Grandmom for others Mrs. Young. It brings a smile to my face whenever I mention her, followed by tears of joy for having the chance to even know her. Anybody that really knew me then had to know of Mrs. Young. If you didn't come to know who I adored & loved, then we probably weren't as close as we shoulda or coulda been. Mrs. Young was like Sunoco gas station I came to her to refuel for the wisdom, knowledge, and faith she would instill in me. I came to understanding love, humbleness, and patience knowing her. Before leaving school throughout the week she would make sure she was stocked on the ice cream & waffles. Why? Because it was my favorite! She would wake me up in the morning never needing an alarm clock, and tell me it's waffles & ice cream downstairs, and I got you up in time enough to have it. I used to sit in the kitchen daily enjoying every spoonful of warmness combined with coolness as it was easily digested thinking of why I loved her.  I thought about how loving she was, how comforting she was, how peaceful she was. Grandmom spoke with her smile, you felt her sincere concern for you without her mentioning it. She would ask me sometimes what's the latest thing out? So I can make sure you have it, when I get my social security check next month. Or what you want me to buy when I go food shopping this week? I would say Grandmom just waffles & ice cream. She would say you love that huh? It wasn't the most nutritional thing for your morning, but mentally it was the healthiest thing for me. On Nov.13, 1998 I remember shopping out in the Northeast section and receiving a call stating she was close to taking her last breath. I pulled in the parking lot, turned my car off and quietly said a prayer. Lord I'm asking that you please give me the chance to be at her side as she take that last breath, please Amen. So driving from Bustleton ave to 20th & Cambria was like driving from Tarboro NC to the city of Philadelphia. However, when I arrived without hesitation I proceeded up stairs and there she was lying in bed and still breathing. Thank you Lord I said as I began to get in the bed next to her, and I rested my head upon her chest. I told her I understand why your trying to hold on but all will be well. Guess what? Remember you told me despite what they said I would get the house, well I'm due to make settlement. Don't worry your plans with your home will follow through, and your requests will be well respected. At that point a song by Kirk Franklin came to mind "The storm is over now" so that's what I began to sing, and before the song was over I heard a loud gasp for air which was her last.  As I looked up into her face I closed her eyes, and began to think how am I going to make it? I knew I had to do that for her, to offer that assurance that all would be well, but seriously that would be the only lie I ever told her. It's not possible I thought, none of this makes any sense. I can't even began to explain how difficult it was for me to grieve properly. I made up in my mind I would never go down that block again, I didn't know if I could handle if someone rearranged her porch furniture, or color on her brick stone front. I recall a friend of mine told me at that time maybe instead of avoiding it one day you need to just get one of her favorite things to eat & sit on the bottom of her steps and face it. I couldn't even imagine that and to be honest I never did it. Now at this time of my life facing what I'm facing I don't need another Doctor appointment but an appointment with Mrs. Young, not literally(smile). So how can I refuel at the gas station that no longer exist? Well, I popped two buttermilk blueberry waffles in the toaster, and topped it with ice cream....Thankful for having known you....Mrs. Young your spirit lives within me, I hear you, and I know...Believe God, I got you:)

                                                        

Pink with a Purpose!: She's At Peace....

Pink with a Purpose!: She's At Peace....: Phillipians 4:7And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. I've always und...

She's At Peace....

Phillipians 4:7And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I've always understood that scripture but never had an understanding for myself personally. Until now. It's amazing as I look back over the years I always wanted to do something to change some part of me. After birthing two children, one of each sex, what a blessing, and without complications with myself or my babies, an even greater blessing. I always wanted to do what's right for the sake of others which included my children. Doctors advised I breast feed versus formula for a host of reasons so without question that's what I did. It didn't matter if it was comfortable for me or not for this pain will be endured because of. It didn't matter if I loss the firm purky shape of my breast because it is no longer about me. But! After all that was said & done you look in the mirror and decide hummm.... I can do some things to change this & that and OMG why are they like that? I would be so much happier if! I remember spending crazy money on products that could possibly rid me of the stretch marks until I realized these stretch marks represent what I did right as a carrying mother. For every soda I refused to drink, and every vitamin, veggies, dairy, water I continued to consume caused my unborn to grow healthy as expected month to month. With the growth caused the stretching of the skin, so as I look at my two I realize it's all good, took one for the team:) However, I remember not being able to see pass those breasts of mine. It's funny because at one point I even got approved for  financing a procedure called mastopexy which basically uplifts, and firms. I was so excited and so ready to pay this $50 a month for 36 months until my Aunt which quietly listened in on my plans shut it down! She said Girl don't you finance with that company you better work out! What! I want results Now! That's what I thought, but instead I listened to her advice, and so glad that I did. Who knew no one but the Lord, that unnecessary money would have been invested at the age of 22.  At the age of 35 I would take on a procedure that I won't have to pay monthly for nor will I be considering it for cosmetic purposes. One of my best friends told me don't worry they served there purpose, which was breast feeding my children. How true! I'm more than thankful for that. I once wanted something to look & feel better about myself, not knowing I would later need that something in order to live. I'm so glad that even at that young age I didn't choose to rebel, and learned how to accept myself & love me. No doubt I had to go through all that in order to have something to reflect back on to be where I am today. Where is that you ask? At peace.....