Thursday, July 12, 2012
Pink with a Purpose!: In My Heart
Pink with a Purpose!: In My Heart: Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. As a child my mother knew the importanc...
In My Heart
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
As a child my mother knew the importance of what was needed for me. My mother understood that in the ages of 2-5years that was a time period of my life where I was explorative, curious, and aware of my surroundings. If my mother encouraged self-sufficient behavior she knew I would develop a sense of autonomy, the ability to handle problems on my own. Between the ages of 2-4 is when the child takes on their first interest. For instance if a child grows to be musically gifted most likely he/she took a strong interest with playing with drums, using a remote as a microphone, or using various objects to create sound. As a parent how will you, or did you support that first interest noticed in your child?
My mother took notice to the quietness, and way of humility of my demeanor, and understood I needed to understand my will and purpose. My mother would take two seconds out of each day and ask this question, "Nickia where is Jesus?" I would respond "In my heart" For many years as a child I literally thought there was a man living inside of my heart. That was okay, because when I would face difficulties or needed to hear from God I would speak to that man I knew lived in my heart. The comfort and answers I received was instant, and when I would hear the voice of God there was nothing my mother, father, man or woman could say that would instill doubt.
On August 5th 2011 when I learned of my diagnosis I thought back as a child speaking to the spirit of God that still lives within my heart. I spoke of all the possibilities that Doctors spoke of, with the possibility of the cancer spreading from my breast to various organs. I told the Lord we are both aware of where the tumor is, and I trust you to keep that malignancy right where it is. As soon as that faith was activated the heavens opened, and when the Doctors performed surgery they weren't aware that my God had already done so. The tumor was noted aggressive but did not spread. So the scar lateral to my right breast is a beautiful sight to see, it is a reminder to me that Great is thy Faithfulness! While lying on that stretcher waiting for the anesthesia to complete its function, I could hear the voice of my mother asking me, "Nickia where is Jesus?" Before closing my eyes I would softly whisper, already in the position of looking up, in my heart.
I don't know what your situation may be, but ask your Heavenly Father to wrap you in his arms, he said we are covered with his feathers. In your place of despair know that if you allow him he is right there with you, as close as your next breath, as close as the blood running through your veins, and as close as your heart beats. He's in your heart.
As a child my mother knew the importance of what was needed for me. My mother understood that in the ages of 2-5years that was a time period of my life where I was explorative, curious, and aware of my surroundings. If my mother encouraged self-sufficient behavior she knew I would develop a sense of autonomy, the ability to handle problems on my own. Between the ages of 2-4 is when the child takes on their first interest. For instance if a child grows to be musically gifted most likely he/she took a strong interest with playing with drums, using a remote as a microphone, or using various objects to create sound. As a parent how will you, or did you support that first interest noticed in your child?
My mother took notice to the quietness, and way of humility of my demeanor, and understood I needed to understand my will and purpose. My mother would take two seconds out of each day and ask this question, "Nickia where is Jesus?" I would respond "In my heart" For many years as a child I literally thought there was a man living inside of my heart. That was okay, because when I would face difficulties or needed to hear from God I would speak to that man I knew lived in my heart. The comfort and answers I received was instant, and when I would hear the voice of God there was nothing my mother, father, man or woman could say that would instill doubt.
On August 5th 2011 when I learned of my diagnosis I thought back as a child speaking to the spirit of God that still lives within my heart. I spoke of all the possibilities that Doctors spoke of, with the possibility of the cancer spreading from my breast to various organs. I told the Lord we are both aware of where the tumor is, and I trust you to keep that malignancy right where it is. As soon as that faith was activated the heavens opened, and when the Doctors performed surgery they weren't aware that my God had already done so. The tumor was noted aggressive but did not spread. So the scar lateral to my right breast is a beautiful sight to see, it is a reminder to me that Great is thy Faithfulness! While lying on that stretcher waiting for the anesthesia to complete its function, I could hear the voice of my mother asking me, "Nickia where is Jesus?" Before closing my eyes I would softly whisper, already in the position of looking up, in my heart.
I don't know what your situation may be, but ask your Heavenly Father to wrap you in his arms, he said we are covered with his feathers. In your place of despair know that if you allow him he is right there with you, as close as your next breath, as close as the blood running through your veins, and as close as your heart beats. He's in your heart.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Shh...
The voices speak. "I don't know how I'm going to make it"
"What if I don't pass?" "The report of the Doctor reads a death sentence"
"Who's going to be there for me now?"
Denied!
Rejected!
"What do you mean you don't love us anymore?"
"But I was molested" "I was abused" "My innocence was taken"
"I've done more wrong than right" "They say I don't qualify"
"I've been lied to" "I've been lied on" "I am a liar"
"But he hurt me" "But she hurt me"
"They told me I couldn't" "They said I wasn't good enough"
"But I've been scarred" "I'm afraid"
"So now what am I going to do?" Shh.....They say the teacher is quiet during the test, so why are you talking?
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.....
"What if I don't pass?" "The report of the Doctor reads a death sentence"
"Who's going to be there for me now?"
Denied!
Rejected!
"What do you mean you don't love us anymore?"
"But I was molested" "I was abused" "My innocence was taken"
"I've done more wrong than right" "They say I don't qualify"
"I've been lied to" "I've been lied on" "I am a liar"
"But he hurt me" "But she hurt me"
"They told me I couldn't" "They said I wasn't good enough"
"But I've been scarred" "I'm afraid"
"So now what am I going to do?" Shh.....They say the teacher is quiet during the test, so why are you talking?
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.....
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
R.I.P.
I attended a funeral today, but no tears were shed. Some of those that were among me expressed their hurt, screaming aloud how they couldn't live day to day. Many were leaning on each other in agreement that what is now loss now disturbs their sense of comfort. Even still the preacher spoke with such an authoritarian tone. He stood on the pulpit looking into the eyes of each who were mourning, letting them know it's easier to let go then hold on. "But how could this be?" One woman yelled, "I'm not ready to move on!" Then there was another sudden outburst. "I'll never be strong enough to face this" You don't have to rely on your own strength the preacher declared. Be weak as you may for the Lord's power is made perfect in your weakness he stated. "You don't understand Mr. Preacher" she shouted. "The choice is mines, I'm not ready to deal with the unknown!" As for me I couldn't take it anymore. Here I am dressed in the purest of pastel exemplifying Life, and yet I am surrounded by many clothed in what tells their story of gloom. I made my way in front of the casket, faced the crowd & quietly spoke of truth.
Here lye's a mockery of your self-control, being, and your sense to be whole. Stood in the way of our greatest achievements, your ability to do, discover, and experience. It has sucked the life out of us suffocating one leaving no air to consume. Life has called & yet you still sit amongst the hearing impaired. Haven't you looked upon and beyond the mountain top? Your vision uncompromised, so take a look! I have no tears to shed. Close the casket quickly, & meet me at the site of burial, for it awaits. That's right you too place your flowers & say your final goodbye. The preacher then concluded with the final benediction. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. As we all said Farewell to FEAR.
I'm not sure when you've given birth to it but I encourage you today to Mother & Father it no longer. So What! Let them call the Law Enforcers. I'll stand as your witness. It was a matter of life & death. It was simply Self Defense.
Here lye's a mockery of your self-control, being, and your sense to be whole. Stood in the way of our greatest achievements, your ability to do, discover, and experience. It has sucked the life out of us suffocating one leaving no air to consume. Life has called & yet you still sit amongst the hearing impaired. Haven't you looked upon and beyond the mountain top? Your vision uncompromised, so take a look! I have no tears to shed. Close the casket quickly, & meet me at the site of burial, for it awaits. That's right you too place your flowers & say your final goodbye. The preacher then concluded with the final benediction. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. As we all said Farewell to FEAR.
I'm not sure when you've given birth to it but I encourage you today to Mother & Father it no longer. So What! Let them call the Law Enforcers. I'll stand as your witness. It was a matter of life & death. It was simply Self Defense.
| Psalms34:4 | I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. |
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Time To Comfort...
God's word says in Ecclesiastes 3:4 there will be a time for everything that happens in our lives. A
time to weep, and a time to laugh. Though we don't always understand and we weep for that one we held so near, we have to hold on just as close the time God allowed us to laugh. A time is given to mourn and to dance. My prayer is that there is never any resentment towards the Heavenly Father during our time of mourning. It says in John 11:33 that Jesus was deeply moved in spirit & troubled when he saw her weeping & those that came along also that were weeping. It says Jesus wept.
So quite naturally God understands the tears that are shed. God has allowed time for someone to be placed in our life that we have once nurtured, once held, once looked to, and loved with every ounce of our being, so it is natural in every aspect to mourn. But God! I say that because he never leaves us alone in our time of weeping & mourning. He says I, even I, am he who comforts you. There is not one thing that we can do in this life without God. Take refuge in him. Offer unto the Lord your cares, your pain, and hurt, he says to do so and he promised us rest. (Matt 11:28)
Take Gods word for what it is. If he tells us there will be a time to grieve than know that there probably will be, but don't excuse the part that he promises in our time to laugh & dance. Rejoice in that time given to you! He has offered it to us and know that the time will come again when you may laugh & dance for all eternity. All flesh is grass and all its loveliness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers, the flowers fade but Gods word stands forever.
His word says in 1 Thesselonians 5:11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another. We don't know when our time comes, or for those that we love when we must leave this earth, but it is crucial that we offer our energy to ourselves & others in loving, building up, cherishing, and most importantly giving. So take back your hand that craves the need to receive.
In Isaiah 40:6 it reads Cry out! And he said, "What shall I cry"? I am sitting humbly before the Lord with that same question. As I continue to sit the tears began to fall from my face as I cry out for you, that you may find peace in your storm, comfort in your time of despair, and one single person that has it in his/her heart to look you in your eyes and tell you that you can make it! Be wise of the time given. The minute that passes in your anger is far too long.
Say what you mean and mean what you say, so if you love them tell them. Have no regrets. Appreciate the time that God allows us and hold on to it with no means of letting go.
He never said we had to.
time to weep, and a time to laugh. Though we don't always understand and we weep for that one we held so near, we have to hold on just as close the time God allowed us to laugh. A time is given to mourn and to dance. My prayer is that there is never any resentment towards the Heavenly Father during our time of mourning. It says in John 11:33 that Jesus was deeply moved in spirit & troubled when he saw her weeping & those that came along also that were weeping. It says Jesus wept.
So quite naturally God understands the tears that are shed. God has allowed time for someone to be placed in our life that we have once nurtured, once held, once looked to, and loved with every ounce of our being, so it is natural in every aspect to mourn. But God! I say that because he never leaves us alone in our time of weeping & mourning. He says I, even I, am he who comforts you. There is not one thing that we can do in this life without God. Take refuge in him. Offer unto the Lord your cares, your pain, and hurt, he says to do so and he promised us rest. (Matt 11:28)
Take Gods word for what it is. If he tells us there will be a time to grieve than know that there probably will be, but don't excuse the part that he promises in our time to laugh & dance. Rejoice in that time given to you! He has offered it to us and know that the time will come again when you may laugh & dance for all eternity. All flesh is grass and all its loveliness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers, the flowers fade but Gods word stands forever.
His word says in 1 Thesselonians 5:11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another. We don't know when our time comes, or for those that we love when we must leave this earth, but it is crucial that we offer our energy to ourselves & others in loving, building up, cherishing, and most importantly giving. So take back your hand that craves the need to receive.
In Isaiah 40:6 it reads Cry out! And he said, "What shall I cry"? I am sitting humbly before the Lord with that same question. As I continue to sit the tears began to fall from my face as I cry out for you, that you may find peace in your storm, comfort in your time of despair, and one single person that has it in his/her heart to look you in your eyes and tell you that you can make it! Be wise of the time given. The minute that passes in your anger is far too long.
Say what you mean and mean what you say, so if you love them tell them. Have no regrets. Appreciate the time that God allows us and hold on to it with no means of letting go.
He never said we had to.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
UNSEEN
HERE WHERE I RESIDE IN THE CITY OF PHILLY I’VE COME ACROSS FACES OF MANY WOMEN LIKE ME, FEEL ME?
SHE SITS ALONE IN HER HOME IN NORTH CAROLINA WONDERING IF THERE IS SUCH A CURE THAT COULD FIND HER BECAUSE SHE HAS NO CLUE OF WHERE TO LOOK DISTRAUGHT DISTRESSED OF EVERYTHING THAT IT TOOK
OVER 70% OF MOUNTAINS STAND IN JAPAN THERE SHE STANDS ON THE TOP YELLING TO THE WORLD MAKE IT STOP! NEVER SMOKED A CIG & ALWAYS ATE RIGHT, SO HOW COULD SOMETHING OF THE SORT ATTACK HER LIFE? SHE SITS ACROSS FROM THE PHYSICIAN SCREAMING WAKARIMASEN! THOUGH DIFFERENT WE SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE I TOO DON’T UNDERSTAND
RESULTS RECEIVED OF A GENETIC MUTATION AND I’M NO DIFFERENT FROM HER WE SHARE THE SAME RELATION THOUGH FROM DIFFERENT NATIONS I’M AN AMERICAN AND SHE IS HAITIAN OUR PAIN JUST THE SAME STORIES NO DIFFERENT TURN THE PAGE AS YOU MAY SAME THING LISTED
AND
SHE STILL SITS AND WONDERS WHEN THE TESTING & TREATMENTS END I DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME BUT I SWEAR WE’RE LIKE THE BEST OF FRIENDS YOUR SHOE SIZE AN EIGHT MINES A NINE THOUGH A PERFECT FIT WALKING THIS SAME LINE
EVEN THOUGH I’M UNSEEN MY VOICE IS STILL HEARD A VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS SO TAKE HEED TO EVERY WORD DON’T COUNT ME OUT EVEN THOUGH YOUR CLOSE TO TEN IT’S BECAUSE OF GODS PROMISES WE’LL STAND AGAIN
EVEN THOUGH I’M UNSEEN MY VOICE IS STILL HEARD A VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS SO TAKE HEED TO EVERY WORD DON’T COUNT ME OUT EVEN THOUGH YOUR CLOSE TO TEN IT’S BECAUSE OF GODS PROMISES WE'LL STAND AGAIN
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
On your march...Get Set....
Ecclesiastes 9:11 The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.
In the mist of it all I see myself at the top looking down, and at the finish line looking back. My hands are stretched above my head with a smile on my face which they say is a woman's best curve. Certainly I agree, so therefore the smile has never left my face. Don't get me wrong I have my days when it seems better to just be at a stand still with not much to say, but then I see the faces of my children, and husband which gives me all the reason to rehab those ol' stiffen joints & bones. So I rise again, smile again, dance again, sing again. I am reminded of the plans God has for me so I can't give up nor let up. I can see so clearly of my days ahead far better then those days which I have already lived. That alone is God himself allowing me to see through his eyes. I am grateful for that.
We don't get to pick and choose what we are able to go through in life. We can create our destiny but God has to fulfill it. At times I shock myself. Quite interesting to be at the brink of my beginning, and unexpectedly hit with something that took me back to square one, but still I'm in the runners position. Still I am right there eager to hear the sound of the revolver. The sweat glides down the side of my face, I can hear my heart beat outside of my chest, and my adrenalin is on an all time high as I wait in anticipation.
The nurses smile, and tell me you're almost there, the Doctors state the same. I was even told the ramifications of this time around may seem like there getting worse because of the meds cumulative effects. But my position still stands. They say coming towards the end of all of this is when most people have a sense of anxiety no longer being under the microscope of Doctors, labs, exams, etc., But my position still stands.
I'm right square in the middle of this journey to wellness and in the mist I don't have to find reasons to smile I just do. I don't have to figure out ways to make it, I just will. I don't have to worry about being healed, I am. There has been hard nights, weary days, and back & forth doctor appointments but in the mist of it all I'm making it. Yes, there will be further surgeries, but just to add it's finishing touches. I have been completely made over but I'm so glad it hasn't been just an outside job. Internally I have been re-decorated to match my outer appearance, because God never leaves a job half way done and especially undone.
I've been saying from the beginning "I'll be the example of what God can do" and still my position stands. As a believer in Christ it is known we don't prepare for sprints but yet marathons. I'm coming with the torch because my job is to pass it on, be ready to grab hold and push it forward as you run along....On your march....Get set...I don't know about you but I heard the sound of the revolver!
In the mist of it all I see myself at the top looking down, and at the finish line looking back. My hands are stretched above my head with a smile on my face which they say is a woman's best curve. Certainly I agree, so therefore the smile has never left my face. Don't get me wrong I have my days when it seems better to just be at a stand still with not much to say, but then I see the faces of my children, and husband which gives me all the reason to rehab those ol' stiffen joints & bones. So I rise again, smile again, dance again, sing again. I am reminded of the plans God has for me so I can't give up nor let up. I can see so clearly of my days ahead far better then those days which I have already lived. That alone is God himself allowing me to see through his eyes. I am grateful for that.
We don't get to pick and choose what we are able to go through in life. We can create our destiny but God has to fulfill it. At times I shock myself. Quite interesting to be at the brink of my beginning, and unexpectedly hit with something that took me back to square one, but still I'm in the runners position. Still I am right there eager to hear the sound of the revolver. The sweat glides down the side of my face, I can hear my heart beat outside of my chest, and my adrenalin is on an all time high as I wait in anticipation.
The nurses smile, and tell me you're almost there, the Doctors state the same. I was even told the ramifications of this time around may seem like there getting worse because of the meds cumulative effects. But my position still stands. They say coming towards the end of all of this is when most people have a sense of anxiety no longer being under the microscope of Doctors, labs, exams, etc., But my position still stands.
I'm right square in the middle of this journey to wellness and in the mist I don't have to find reasons to smile I just do. I don't have to figure out ways to make it, I just will. I don't have to worry about being healed, I am. There has been hard nights, weary days, and back & forth doctor appointments but in the mist of it all I'm making it. Yes, there will be further surgeries, but just to add it's finishing touches. I have been completely made over but I'm so glad it hasn't been just an outside job. Internally I have been re-decorated to match my outer appearance, because God never leaves a job half way done and especially undone.
I've been saying from the beginning "I'll be the example of what God can do" and still my position stands. As a believer in Christ it is known we don't prepare for sprints but yet marathons. I'm coming with the torch because my job is to pass it on, be ready to grab hold and push it forward as you run along....On your march....Get set...I don't know about you but I heard the sound of the revolver!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Pink with a Purpose!: Nobody But Jesus....
Pink with a Purpose!: Nobody But Jesus....: In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust. Psalm 4: 8 She just left on...
Nobody But Jesus....
In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust. Psalm 4: 8
She just left one job and now on to the next. The second job requires her to be faced down on her knees scrubbing in between the grooves of the kitchen floor tile that was neatly placed. She then has to assure that dinner is made and all is placed in proper order before leaving to her next job. Her third job requires the keep of three children that she is proud to call her own. The tired look on her face express what's in a hard days work, but the calm grip of her hugs at bedtime express the love she had for us.
I remember the sounds of many gospel artist that would play throughout our home. But one in particular was by gospel recording artist Shirley Ceaser. When mommy would cry she would play this one record "Jesus I love calling your name" by Shirley Ceaser. My mother would lift the handle to the record player to this one song over a hundred times in a day. That song dried many tears, and eased the pain of many nights. As a young child and even into my teenage years I would fall asleep at night singing that song in a whisper until I fell off to sleep. That song would play aloud in my head blocking out the music of his cussing, ranting, & raving roars of a demon he loss war to over & over again.
To most, it's no secret my childhood was not a pleasant one. With one parent losing self control to the disease of drug abuse obviously made life quite difficult & seemingly unfair. It's so much hurt that I recall as a child, that it almost seems cruel to now mention in my father's absence from this world. If life for me at that time was hardened to bare imagine what it was like for my mother. I think about how she could have chose so many different routes to deal with all that she went through. She didn't drown in her sorrows by drinking, smoking, cursing, partying, or anything else that would keep us from seeing her as the strong courageous loving being that she was. She would gather us together pray & play that familiar song that would remind us just who to call on.
I thank God for that. Now that I'm all grown up, I have some days of tears that flow not just for myself, but for many of those that are also going through what I'm going through. It angers me to the core that this cancer thing is ripping through so many young women. Hate is a strong word to use this is true, but I hate Cancer, and everything it puts one through. I'm a fighter it's in my bloodline, but many don't have that sense of strength in them. As a young woman literally living this thing day by day, the ups & downs, and all that accompanies this battle, I for one can tell you there is no way I could do this without God. I don't know what your story reads, what your song sings, or what your walk is like, but I do know, it is Nobody but Jesus that can be our footsteps when we're too frail to journey on. You may agree with me or not, but try him. It's nothing like having true peace in the valley.....Nobody But Jesus... smile you're here:)
She just left one job and now on to the next. The second job requires her to be faced down on her knees scrubbing in between the grooves of the kitchen floor tile that was neatly placed. She then has to assure that dinner is made and all is placed in proper order before leaving to her next job. Her third job requires the keep of three children that she is proud to call her own. The tired look on her face express what's in a hard days work, but the calm grip of her hugs at bedtime express the love she had for us.
I remember the sounds of many gospel artist that would play throughout our home. But one in particular was by gospel recording artist Shirley Ceaser. When mommy would cry she would play this one record "Jesus I love calling your name" by Shirley Ceaser. My mother would lift the handle to the record player to this one song over a hundred times in a day. That song dried many tears, and eased the pain of many nights. As a young child and even into my teenage years I would fall asleep at night singing that song in a whisper until I fell off to sleep. That song would play aloud in my head blocking out the music of his cussing, ranting, & raving roars of a demon he loss war to over & over again.
To most, it's no secret my childhood was not a pleasant one. With one parent losing self control to the disease of drug abuse obviously made life quite difficult & seemingly unfair. It's so much hurt that I recall as a child, that it almost seems cruel to now mention in my father's absence from this world. If life for me at that time was hardened to bare imagine what it was like for my mother. I think about how she could have chose so many different routes to deal with all that she went through. She didn't drown in her sorrows by drinking, smoking, cursing, partying, or anything else that would keep us from seeing her as the strong courageous loving being that she was. She would gather us together pray & play that familiar song that would remind us just who to call on.
I thank God for that. Now that I'm all grown up, I have some days of tears that flow not just for myself, but for many of those that are also going through what I'm going through. It angers me to the core that this cancer thing is ripping through so many young women. Hate is a strong word to use this is true, but I hate Cancer, and everything it puts one through. I'm a fighter it's in my bloodline, but many don't have that sense of strength in them. As a young woman literally living this thing day by day, the ups & downs, and all that accompanies this battle, I for one can tell you there is no way I could do this without God. I don't know what your story reads, what your song sings, or what your walk is like, but I do know, it is Nobody but Jesus that can be our footsteps when we're too frail to journey on. You may agree with me or not, but try him. It's nothing like having true peace in the valley.....Nobody But Jesus... smile you're here:)
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